"I'm Your Deli Meat" is a raw and evocative zine that captures my experience of losing myself in a relationship and the journey of rediscovery and healing that followed. The title reflects the theme of self-degradation and complete submission to another person, inspired by one of my first queer breakups filled with resentment and anger.
In this zine, I explored the intense impact of a codependent relationship on my self-confidence and perception of the world. It explores the difficult process of relearning who I am and finding solace in being alone, ultimately leading to forgiving the person I once blamed for my loss of self.
I drew heavily from Kathy Acker's "Blood and Guts in High School," a book that deals with intense emotional reactions and complicated relationships. The narrative resonated with me, particularly the story of Janey Smith, who experiences an all-consuming and unreciprocated relationship with her father. This parallel underscored my exploration of emotional dependency and the painful questions of self-worth and sanity that arose from such relationships.
Incorporating steps 1-4 of Acker's money manifesto, "I'm Your Deli Meat," channels my anger and frustration at feeling misunderstood and unheard. These steps critique the unfair power dynamics and systemic inequalities in our hierarchical world, emphasizing the us vs. them mentality.
Visually, I used Americana imagery, juxtaposing American fast food against more glamorous backgrounds. This contrast highlights the accessibility of fast food and the luxury of healthy eating, particularly in the context of rising inflation and food costs. The imagery serves as a metaphor for the disparity between different social classes, mirroring the emotional and relational disparities I explored throughout the zine.
"I'm Your Deli Meat" invites readers to reflect on the complexities of dependency, the pain of losing one's identity, and the challenging yet empowering process of self-rediscovery. Through vivid imagery and a deeply personal narrative, this zine offers a poignant commentary on love, loss, and the quest for self-worth in a world of unrealistic expectations.
"I'm Your Deli Meat," An eight-page zine.
Digital collage and text turned into a printed zine, using steps 1-5 of Kathy Acker's money manifesto found in Blood and Guts in High School.